First of all, Brendan is nearly unrecognizable, if one were to only know him from the hulking muscle beast he’s grown into since. When he shows up for Jobberpaloozer 5, he’s lean and lush and cute as a fucking button. BG East puts him at 6’2, and he towers over Brooklyn Bodywrecker when the veteran struts into the ring checking him out. BBW does that same mental calculation I often find myself doing, trying to tamp down an instant turn on until I can check his I.D.. “How old are you? What, are you like 15?” When Brendan says that he’s 20, BBW can’t believe his ears? “Twenty!?” The salt-and-peppered veteran heel tugs on his leather jacket. “This is older than you are! Twenty?!” BBW is literally licking his chops at this point. Brendan plucks up the audacity to make an oldie joke about whether BBW is having problems hearing him. And fuck, you didn’t have to read the title of the match to know that this is about to turn into a massacre.
Stunningly, BBW offers a legitimate handshake of welcome to the tasty kid who admits it’s his first time in the ring. “You know I’m BBW, right? The Brooklyn Bodywrecker?” Brendan’s adorable game face cracks into a grin. He doesn’t have to say a word for the answer to be clear, but he admits it anyway. “I’ve heard.” BBW peels off his vest, his sun glasses, and his cap. He’s fucking peak BBW. Hairy and raw, looking like he just walked away from a bar fight, he’s fucking hot as hell. He’s got some gray in his goatee that gives this whole interchange the feel of the big bad wolf stalking Little Red Riding Hood through the woods. “Look, I’ll try not to hurt you,” he offers, flexing his hairy pecs. “We’ll try to have a good time,” he says with a disarming smile. “Just don’t fight me, kid,” he adds coldly, making it clear who’s about to have a good time and who isn’t.
The Battle to Be the Best Heel could not have turned out more competitively and suspenseful! Brooklyn Bodywrecker and Kid Leopard in voting at least a dozen times. Every time I checked the poll, momentum had swung a different direction. BBW opened up some distance relatively early on, and I thought KL was about to be buried under all that hairy, horny muscle like all of the rest. But holy fuck, do NOT count the Boss out prematurely! It’s been two days of heavy voting, though, and I’m calling it as of this moment. With not quite 51% of the vote, there’s just one vicious son of a bitch left standing. Check out David’s blow by blow , but in the end, his version of the match equivalent of voting did not end up the way the voting did. Because nobody, but NOBODY pulls off a gut check homoerotic badass heel beatdown like The Boss, Kid Leopard.
Woah. I haven’t seen Cage Thunder manhandled so completely since Mitch Colby stripped him naked and smothered him in his massive pecs. Brooklyn Bodywrecker rolled right over him, and I think David sums up the defeat perfectly with his description of Cage Thunder battered unconscious, hung in a tree of woe, and taken advantage of in his helplessness.
I thought Kid Vicious was going to dethrone Brooklyn Bodywrecker, when he jumped out to . But BBW started to slowly pull away, and KV just wasn’t able to reel him back in. I don’t weigh in so forcefully most days, but I have to say that I voted full heartedly for KV, and I have a searing image of him pounding the fuck out of BBW’s back in an OTK, and working his cock and balls with both hands and his mouth until he’s drained him dry. Since submission by emission isn’t spelled out in the rules, however, I suppose I can forgive KV for prematurely celebrating the victory, dumping BBW off his knee and backing into a corner to demand BBW service his monster cock in return. BBW plays along with the misunderstanding, climbing out to stand on the ring apron and wrap his arms around KV from behind, violently throttling his Louisville slugger, before he suddenly snaps on a sleeper and rag dolls KV until he’s knocked out cold.
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