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are crucial when venturing into the territory of group sex, Marin says. Unfortunately, this is the part many people skip. Your threesome fantasy may vastly differ from the images your partner has in their mind.

When you eventually bring up the idea of a threesome, Lehmiller suggests taking care in how you frame it. “It’s easy for fantasies like this to evoke feelings of insecurity or jealousy. Start from a place of validation and discuss what’s in it for you and your partner. Also, don’t pressure your partner into it! Start with a general conversation about the idea of a threesome. What do each of you like about the idea? What concerns do you have? Talk through everything first and, if you’re on the same page, then you can talk about how you might actually go about making this fantasy a reality.”

Adds Kapaeva: “There’s nothing more important than conversation and agreements. Before getting involved into a threesome, talk to your partner about what exactly you want to have and in what variations, what will excite you and what, on the contrary, will reduce your excitement.” She also recommends looking into the SES (sexual excitation system) and SIS (sexual inhibition system) techniques coined by Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are and Come Together. (Quick plug to read up on the topic with these other !)

“It’s important to mention that if you’re having a threesome with a romantic partner, you need to establish boundaries with your partner long before you ever hop into bed with another person,” Lehmiller says. “What are your relational boundaries and ground rules? Are any activities off limits?” Don’t forget to discuss what comes after the threesome too. Plan some time to chat — just the two of you — about how the threesome went and what you liked and didn’t like.

So, to sum it up: talk, set your boundaries, and lean into the awkwardness and your curiosity. While your first threesome might not live up to every Challengers-fueled expectation, you can smooth over some of the awkwardness — and make sure everyone feels safe and seen — by communicating and caring for each other every step of the way.