Wedding blowjob (photos)

And in the surest sign yet that the apocalypse is imminent, today my editor has asked me to write about the burgeoning phenomenon of blowjob wedding photos. Did I type that correctly? I have something in my eye.

Here’s a primer for anyone lucky enough never to have been to a wedding or given a blowjob: Blowjob photos typically depict brides simulating fellatio on their grooms, from a parked classic car or perhaps behind a country hedgerow. They’re for couples that want to demonstrate how cute and sexually liberated they are, and they’re coming soon to a heteronormative wedding near you.

Blowjob wedding photos first sprung to public attention after an image of two newlyweds, taken by Dutch photographer Michel Klooster, went viral. He stands in verdant woodland; she crouches in front of him. “This is so fucking extra!” . In , just-married British couple Mark and Samantha Simons embraced the trend in front of a vintage car at sunset.

“We were just pretending and having a laugh,” Matthew Lunn in comments to British newspaper the. “The Greeks have completely over-reacted.” One couple—whose St Paul wedding was cancelled in the wake of the blowjob picture—are now considering legal action against the Lunns.

Turns out, Klooster isn’t responsible for creating the genre of blowjob wedding photos—America is! (Or so he claims.) Really, it’s not surprising that the nation that gave us figured out another way to desecrate the holy institution of matrimony.